How has this pregnancy differed or been similar to your own previous pregnancies (cravings, symptoms, showing earlier, etc.)?
Overall, this pregnancy was very similar to my own. The biggest difference was cravings. With my daughter, I craved every junk food imaginable. This time around, I wanted healthier foods things like apples and grapes. I also showed much more with my daughter. By seven months pregnant with her, I had definitely “popped,” and there was no hiding it. With this baby girl, even at 37 weeks, I could honestly still hide my belly unless I was wearing a tight shirt.
Conversations with family, friends, or strangers about carrying a surrogacy pregnancy—do people ask a lot of questions?
Yes. A ton of questions. Some of the most common ones were:
- Was it your egg?
- How do you give the baby up?
- How does it feel knowing you have to give the baby away?
- Do you get attached?
- Wow, how could you do that?
- Does it feel weird knowing she’s not yours?
I usually entertain most questions because there are so many misunderstandings about surrogacy. Education matters, and I’m happy to explain.
The only comment I have zero patience for is: “Wow, I could never imagine doing that and giving the baby away.”
Whether it’s meant with bad intentions or not, it’s annoying. This baby was never my baby to give “away.” I’m giving her back to her parents. I’m essentially the babysitter.
My response is usually something like: “Good thing you aren’t the one doing it then,” or “She was never mine I’m just returning her to her parents.”
Did you and your IPs find out the gender of the baby? Was there a gender reveal?
Yes! We discovered through NIPT testing, and I was the one who kept the secret. I drove to them for their gender reveal and got to hand them the poppers. It was honestly nerve-wracking, I remember thinking, Oh my gosh, I hope the color is right! But it was exciting to be the one who knew. I also got to meet their family, and seeing everyone so excited for them made the moment even more special.
What is it like talking to your kids about carrying a surrogacy pregnancy?
For me, it was easy, but I know that isn’t the case for everyone. My daughter is very understanding, especially for her age, and she really grasped what was happening. She was sick when I delivered, so she couldn’t come to the hospital to meet the baby, but we FaceTimed her so she could see the baby and see that she was with her parents. Being able to put a face to it really helped everything fall into place for her.
What has your relationship been like with your IP(s)?
Our relationship with the IPs has been great throughout the entire journey. There were times when deeper conversations were needed, and even moments when we weren’t completely on the same page, but we always worked through our differences. Open communication is essential in surrogacy. Both sides must be willing to engage in conversations that may feel uncomfortable at times. That’s how trust is built and maintained.
What are three things you’d share with someone considering becoming a surrogate?
- Read your contract and understand it.
If you don’t understand it, it means nothing. Ask questions. Advocate for yourself.
- It’s an amazing journey, take it all in.
It goes by so fast, and you’ll want to remember it all.
- Open communication is everything.
Know your boundaries, communicate them clearly, and never be afraid to speak up for yourself.
Is there a surrogacy myth you wish you could debunk?
Yes, the idea that surrogates do this just for the money. That’s wrong. If I could do this for free, I would. We’re essentially compensated for pain, discomfort, risk, and sacrifice. We undergo a lot of physical, mental, and emotional stress. Anyone doing this only for money is in it for the wrong reasons and, honestly, shouldn’t even apply.
Surrogacy is a complex, emotional, beautiful, and deeply meaningful experience. It’s not for everyone, but for those of us who choose it, it’s one of the most fulfilling things we’ll ever do.
